If i come over, it means nothing
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
