forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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