I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
