I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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