And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't shave. On purpose
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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