I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
