for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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