Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
