what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
