part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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