im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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