is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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