It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
