you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
