so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
