I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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