I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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