it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
