Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
