This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
