I wish you could order shots online.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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