do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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