Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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