I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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