All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
