So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
