i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
