Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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