when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
