If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i have two assholes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
