its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
