we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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