From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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