He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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