this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
