you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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