I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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