it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
