loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
