When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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