What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
