Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
