So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
