Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
