I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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