i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
