On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
