Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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