They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
