She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
