She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
