I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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