Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
